The Things that Haunt Me
by Lady Asphodelic
Summary: Peter was not a man of only good or evil. He was a man of survival. He had to do what he have to do in order to stay alive. Even if Peter died with the haunting essence of James and Lily burned into his conscious. [One-shot]"For Lululuna's Unexpected Voice Challenge" over at the Harry Potter Fanfiction Forums. And thanks to easterlies @TDA for the most wonderful cover!


Peter never thought that he'd be one of those characters who ended up as the bad guy in a story like many tales he read when he was young. Of course he never believed himself to be as dashing and charismatic like Sirius, or a great role model like Remus. However, if there was one thing Peter wished he had as part of one of his characteristics, it'd be bravery like his friend, James.

And there he was sitting on the other side of the seat before him. Well, it was not exactly James. It was actually his son, Harry, who was a spitting image of his father. Peter was in his rat form on his new master's lap, Ronald Weasley. He was pretending to be asleep while he listened to the two boys carry on a conversation. Peter would take brief sneak peeks at Harry when he felt safe enough to do so. He was dressed in muggle clothing, too large to fit his small body. The uncontrollable mop of hair, courtesy of his father, including those round circular glasses. Then there was that famous lightning bolt scar etched on his forehead as Harry revealed it to Ronald with a proud but reserved smile crossing his lips. The mark did not matter to Peter though. No it didn't. It was those eyes; richly emerald just like his mother, Lily.

Oh Lily! The memories of her made him shut his eyes in shame. She was the most extraordinary woman he ever met in his whole life time. There was no one else like her. He believed he will never meet another woman like Lily Evans. Peter had to admit, he had a big crush on her when they were students. It wasn't just Lily's beauty that attracted him; it was her intelligence, talent and how she had so much love and compassion that it was enough to be shared with the entire world. What was there not to love about her? He knew for sure that Moony and Padfoot had also really liked Lily, plus Snape who she used to hang out with in the first place. Even though Peter wasn't noticeably smart, didn't mean he was completely foolish either. On the other hand, for whatever reasons why the other Marauders didn't try to get with Lily was unknown to Peter. Nonetheless, Lily belonged to James from the moment Prongs set eyes on her. That's mostly likely, now that Peter thought of it, the reason why Sirius nor Remus haven't made their move. Peter wondered did his other friends believed they weren't in her league like, he, Peter, believed himself to be. In the beginning, Peter, Sirius, and Remus assumed that James wouldn't have gotten with Lily either since the two kept going at it with each other during their school years. In the end, they were proved wrong when James and Lily love for each other shown through, getting married young and having a baby boy. Now those who haven't met her will never get that chance to get to, especially her own child.

Opening his eyes once more, a girl had joined the compartment. She had bushy brown hair and she was already in her school robes. "I'm Hermione Granger." The girl finally told the boys her name. Hermione had fixed Harry's glasses with the repairing spell and told them to get dressed since they'll be arriving at Hogwarts any moment soon.

When the Granger girl left, Peter started to reflect on what he thought of her. She knew a spell - possibly more - like Lily did before school even started. It was to be expected that Harry would be drawn to those who were just like his parents. Granger had that tone where she was ready to correct you at any moment like Harry's mother. Peter wondered if she was a muggleborn too which would bring Harry closer to his mother in some way. Living with the Weasleys, Peter knew just how loyally close the family are. Percy, his first owner before Ronald, was the one who needed to be watched closely. He has met and seen men like him who's ambitions take things too far. Ronald too had a lot of pride - which James had as well- along with insecurities, which was not a great mixture for a boy like him. It could stir him in any direction if his master wasn't too careful.

Eventually, the train came to a stop, the boys were already in their uniform, and the next thing Peter knew was that he was in his master's hand being carried out of the compartment.

* * *

Six years slipped through Peter's hands like sand in an hourglass. One moment he was hiding from a monster that was unleashed in the castle after a year of seeing Harry for the first time again on the Hogwarts Express. Then a year later, Peter was running away from that beastly cat of Granger's, and his best friends, Remus and Sirius. Remus was filling in as the Defense the Dark Arts teacher, and Sirius escaping from Azkaban after twelve years of false imprisonment. Peter was sure to be a dead man when Moony and Padfoot had him cornered in the Shrieking Shack.

Fortunately for him, Harry stepped in on time. What Peter believed to be forgiveness, it was actually mercy. Harry only wanted to protect Sirius and Remus from getting blood on their hands for real this time. The boy proposed that they would take him to the Dementors instead. Harry was staring down at Peter coldly, and the said man couldn't help but think of the nightmares he would have at times - the way how James and Lily looked at him as if they knew of his treachery.

Once more another year had passed, but this time he was caught by his true master, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. His master made sure he suffered his wrath and that it'd be a unforgettable punishment.

Two years later after Peter's lucky escape from the hands of his friends and the kids and almost into the hands of the Ministry, he learned of Sirius' death by Bellatrix coming back boasting about how she killed him.

"Got him righ' where I wan' him. Flew righ' into the veil." Bellatrix made a motion with her hand, trying to give a visual of how it went down in the Department of Mysteries. Her eyes were mad with glee and her smile was wide across her face. The Death Eaters were listening to her, intrigued by her story-voice. "It's less than what that disgusting scum deserved. Wish I had more time to toy wit' 'im."

While most of them cheered on, Peter only stood in his little dark corner in a daze as he envisioned her words. Padfoot was gone? He could hardly breathe let alone accept the fact.

"Wait!" Bella shouted, quieting everyone in the room. "I haven't even told you the bes' part." Bella held out, watching those who were leaning in closer to hear what she had to say. "The boy used the Cruciatus curse on me!"

Peter's eyes widened at that statement whilst others had gasped and exchanged fervent whispers. Few even had expressed their disbelief harshly.

Bellatrix merely threatened them before continuing on. "You should have seen it!" The said woman hissed. "The anger he displayed back there... it wasn't pure, for the curse didn't last long - but it was there. He just needed to be pushed further."

At this point, Peter had stopped paying attention to that lunatic of a woman and allowed himself to be lost in his musings, since no one ever really payed him any mind. He wasn't considered to be of any importance now as he did when he was a child.

Two good friends gone and Harry performing one of the forbidden curses... It was too much for Peter to handle, for silent tears slipped down his puffy cheeks.

Two more years later to the present. The said boy, who seemed to be growing into a man, was glaring at him now behind bars in the dungeons of Malfoy Manor. Harry's hands were gripping the grate tightly where his skin stretched and his veins and tendons were showing.

Observing Harry's tattered appearance, Peter could say the boy has been through hell and back. His hair was just as wild as before. There were numerous cuts on his face and whatever skin that was uncovered. It meant that the boy put up one hell-of-a fight too.

"Why did you do it?" Peter asked without thought. Not only did that surprised himself but Harry too - at least for a brief second.

"Do what?" Harry questioned, his voice was deep and manly, much contrasted to the boyish tone that Peter was used to hearing in the early days when he was just known as Ronald's rat.

"Curse Bella..." Peter clarified though faintly.

Harry seemed at lost at what to say for a moment, only staring back at him with such hardness that it could break Peter with his solid-rock glare. "It was to avenge my godfather, Sirius. Remember him don't you?" Harry spat out with such venom that Peter flinched at his cruel words. "But trust me when I say, I regret it with every waking moment and till the day I die." It sounded like, "until You-Know-Who kills me," was more like it - underlying his sentence. "Especially knowing that it won't bring him back," he whispered the last part.

How the boy could just stand there so calmly, aside from the fury that was clearly expressing through his facial features, knowing that there was a dark wizard who wanted his head - that amazed Peter.

"Tell me, why did you do it?" Harry demanded. His voice was more than scornful. Yes. It was punishing and accusing and it hit Peter deep in his soul.

"Did what?" Peter couldn't help but ask, despite that he may know what Harry was asking of him.

"Why did you betray my parents - and don't you dare say it was because of Voldemort!" Harry shouted, his head was pushed against the small space of the metal bars; the beads of sweat was dripping down his red-colored forehead and his neck.

Peter was only able to flinch in response, his vocal cords failing him at his time of need.

"How do you live with yourself?" Harry asked in a low voice this time, but the harshness was still there. "Knowing the pain... and destruction you caused... How?"

Peter was left speechless twice in a row. He had no answer to Harry's accusing questions. The only thing he could show was honest guilt. It wasn't enough for Harry, for the boy walked away from the grate and returned to his imprisoned friends.

Peter was not a man of only good or evil. He was a man of survival. He had to do what he have to do in order to stay alive. Even if Peter died with the haunting essence of James and Lily burned into his conscious.

* * *

**Author's Note: 10/25/13 Friday**

**Dear Readers,**

**Welcome to my one-shot of Peter Pettigrew. This was written for "Lululuna's Unexpected Voice" Challenge over at the Harry Potter Fanfiction Forums (HPFF.) If you haven't heard of it, you should check it out - especially if your a hard-on fan.**

**There are many things that will take place from now until December 1st. Just know it's going to be great!**

**I hope you guys enjoyed reading this! **

**Vote, comment, etc if you like!**

**I do not own HP - JK. Rowling does.**

**Thanks for reading and stay tune for the broadcasts and more updates!**

**- Asphodel**


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